I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
