dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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