I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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