I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
