True but thats because hes a fetus.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
