He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
