It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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