Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
