I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
