Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
