Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
