im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
