no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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