it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
