she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
