Swine flu. Run for my life!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
