I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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