could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
