My girlfriend figured out who you are.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
