i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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