I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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