there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
