we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
