So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
