how can u be prego again
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize