All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
