What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
