just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
