i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
