Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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