Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
PANTIES FOUND
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
