the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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