I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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