Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
