So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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