Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
