One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
