And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
