I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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