Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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