I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
