Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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