Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
