I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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