ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
