I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
