He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
