Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
