Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
