I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
