I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
