he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
