I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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