you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
