just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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