I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
