My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
