I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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