Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
