i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
