I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize