Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
