so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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