i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
