the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
